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The End of Chapter Earth

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Dec. 8th, 2008 | 04:18 pm
music: Mirrors of Blessed Miracles - Zebulon Pike

In an attempt to elude boredom's clutches last week I sat in a chair while a man stuck me with ink drenched needles. In other words I got a new tattoo. It is magnificent and giant, and while I was there I got to see some also magnificent testimony to the fact that man kind really can't be long for this earth.
While I was sitting there getting poked a guy walked into the tattoo shop where my pal Curtis (who tattooed me) works. Curtis and I were probably four or five hours into a six hour and fifteen minute job. His eyes were probably getting tired and I was certainly tired of the pain, when our spirits were lifted by laughter. Laughter aimed at another human being, which is the best among an already good medicine.
This kid walks into the tattoo shop and is obviously pretty excited because he has just turned eighteen and was all amped up because at long last, he was able to lawfully get a tattoo. He had settled on a tattoo of the boarders of the lower peninsula of Michigan, with a star marking the town we were in, and where he was from; Lansing. The tattoo artist who was doing the walk-in stuff that day asked him, "Do you want the U.P. on there at all?" to which this young fellow replied (and I'm spelling phonetically) , "gnaw man, I ain't never been there. It's just a bunch of stupid trees, right?"
At this point Curtis started telling me that the new trend for the gangster kids in Lansing tattoo wise is to get the area code for Lansing tattooed somewhere on their arm. Which is funny in and of itself because the 517 area code comprises at least eight Michigan counties and doesn't really do much but tell people you're from a large area of central Michigan, but at least it's SOUTH Central Michigan....
Anyway, the tattooist that was helping this young Eminem fan did the drawing as described by the customer, put the stencil on the young fella's arm and said, "Go check it out in the mirror and see how you like the placement and everything." We saw the guy go out to the mirror, check it all out, go back into the area where he was to be tattooed and he says, "Is that where Lansing is? Let me see a map." Yes folks, you guessed it, the guy didn't even know where his city of residence was on a map. I guess it's hard to get people to understand the importance of Peak Oil when most of the General Public can't point out where they are on a map. Now, I'm not the smartest person out there by any means, but I thought scenes like that were just staged comedy for other, slightly less retarded General Public morons that watched Jay Leno. It's been good knowing you all, I hope your deaths are painless and quick, because we're all doomed.

I, on the other hand, knew exactly where I was.
Curtis is a good tattoo artist. He works at Vivid Ink in Lansing, MI. and you should go there and pay him to permanently ruin your skin.

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